A Fistful of Darkness
by ohmyhotch
Summary: Aaron Hotchner didn't realize until it was too late. Now he isn't sure how to deal with the fact that Emily is gone, and he doesn't know how long it will last. A/U. Post-Lauren. Hotch/Prentiss
1. Facing The Truth

**A/N: Honestly, I haven't written anything in a while... but I needed to. Not writing was killing me. I wanted to write this so badly. I know this first chapter is pretty short, but I have a great plan for this story. As usual, I'm glad to add anything that may be suggested by readers to the story! **

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Aaron Hotchner stood against the wall outside the waiting room in the Boston hospital. He was so unsure of how to proceed from this point. He hadn't gone back into the waiting room since JJ had informed him that Emily was almost ready to be transported. JJ still stood next to him, anxiously watching.<p>

"Everything will be okay, Hotch. You made the right choice," she reminded him finally.

"I haven't doubted the decision for a second. It's for the best, JJ," he nodded. That wasn't at all what was bothering him.

"Then what is it? What's bothering you? Other than the obvious, of course,"

Hotch sighed and after a moment he looked at her. "Since when are you so good at reading others?" he asked, still completely seriously. Nothing was breaking him right now. He knew if he let one emotion show, the others would come pouring out. He couldn't let that happen. Not right now. The team needed him to be strong. JJ shrugged with a small sad smile and he continued, "I'm really not looking forward to the next step," he admitted, closing his eyes.

"Which is?" the blonde pressed, her eyes still locked on his eyelids.

He shook his head and opened his eyes. "Informing the next of kin,"

"Right... that's always..."

"Yeah. And dealing with the team. And Strauss," Hotch sighed. "JJ, we really miss you,"

She smiled sadly once more. "I miss you guys, too. But... you know they haven't quite prepared her to leave yet... you could go back there and see her," JJ suggested, she could see how hard this was for him. Seeing the team like this. The entire situation was difficult. Especially for a man who seemed to think he couldn't show emotion.

"I think I will. Do you think you could..." he pointed to the others in the waiting room. Reid and Garcia were still sobbing. Rossi and Seaver looked so confused, as if the reality hadn't set in yet. And Morgan... Morgan looked so hurt. As if he was going to fall apart.

"Of course I will, Hotch. I'll keep an eye on everyone, and try to make sure they're okay," she rolled here eyes a little. "Well, as okay as anyone could be right now,"

"Thanks," he replied, and took a deep breath before taking one more look at the team and walking to the door that led back to the room they had her in until she was relocated. This was so difficult for him. If she'd just come to them all sooner about the entire situation, they wouldn't be saying goodbye right now. The worst part was not knowing how long the 'goodbye' would last.

Finally he spotted the room JJ had told him she was in only moments earlier. He couldn't bring himself to go inside. The tears were coming now. It killed him to see any member of his team hurting. Especially Prentiss. She was so strong. Nothing phased her. Ever. And now... he wasn't sure he could stand seeing her weak. Hurt. Potentially dying. She wasn't out of the woods yet. She'd been through so much the past several days it was a miracle she had continued to fight. He had to do this though. Especially since he didn't know how long it would be until he saw her again.

Taking a deep breath Hotch entered the small room. Monitors were beeping from almost all sides. She was ghostly white. IV's attached everywhere possible. She was barely alive. Her eyes were covered by bandages, probably to keep the light from bothering her. He couldn't see any other bandages through the hospital gown. That was probably better anyway. He took a deep shuddering breath and took one more long look at her and tears began sliding down the normally emotionless man's face. "Keep fighting, Emily. You can do this," he patted her leg lightly. "You have to do this,"


	2. Long Day

**A/N: Haha this honestly is so easy for me to write. Unless it's midnight, which it was when I was_ trying_ last night... but yes. Here is chapter 2! Enjoy!**

**Let me know what you think, and what you'd like to see later on!**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

"JJ? Where'd Hotch go?" Rossi asked as she entered the room.

"He needs some time on his own," she replied without hesitation. It wasn't entirely a lie, and it made sense.

"But we can all help each other. Doesn't he know that?" Reid asked, sounding small. Helpless.

JJ quickly crossed the room to where one of her best friends was sitting, and put her arm around him. "Spence... Hotch does things like this on his own. We all know that. He's also prepping himself to tell her parents..."

"Oh," the young genius nodded. "I guess that makes sense,"

JJ nodded along with him, not sure what to say. There was a long pause. Everyone was exhausted, but none of them wanted to sleep. Then the nightmares would come. They all knew it. JJ sadly looked on all her friends. She hated lying to them. She had to keep reminding herself that it was for the best. It was to protect Em.

It seemed like forever had passed in silence when Hotch re-entered the room. He had been crying. It didn't take a profiler to see that.

"I'm going back to Virginia," he announced. "I have... business to close up on."

"Hotch. Please tell me you're not going into work tonight," Morgan shook his head. "Man, that's insane,"

"I fully understand how 'insane' it may seem, Derek. This can't wait,"

"What is so important that you can't wait until you get some rest? See your son?"

Hotch met his eye, an angry glare on his face. "I have to tell her parents, Morgan." he shot back, and as soon as he picked up his briefcase, he walked swiftly from the room.

He'd already booked a flight home. Commercial. The others could take the jet. He couldn't face them right now. He'd call the Ambassador from the airport, and see if he could meet with her and her husband later today. Hotch was only just now realizing that they had been sitting in the waiting room all night. He glanced at his cell phone. 9 AM. He had one phone call to make before he called Ambassador Prentiss. He needed to speak with Jack. He needed to know that in the past several days the world hadn't simply stopped spinning just because of this one tragedy. As soon as he exited the building, the phone was dialing. He looked down, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the sunlight, and continued walking.

"Hello?" Jessica greeted from the other end as soon as she picked up.

"Hello, Jessica. Is... is Jack awake yet?" Hotch asked, clearing his throat.

"Yeah. I called him when I saw it was you calling. He should be here any second. How did everything go?"

"Let's just say... this one didn't have a happy ending,"

"Oh... I'm so sorry, Aaron. She didn't make it, then?" she asked, her voice reflecting the pure horror she felt. She didn't know Emily Prentiss well. All she knew was that she was one of Aaron's closest friends, and that she came to dinner every once in a while and that Jack adored her. And after Haley had died just over a year ago... This had to be absolutely horrible for Aaron to deal with.

"No. She lost too much blood. There wasn't anything they could do." He replied doing his best to hold back the emotions that were now ready to burst. He had to be strong for Jack. "I'm not planning on telling Jack until I get home," he added.

"That's understandable. When will you be home, just so I don't have to keep telling Jack that I don't know,"

"It'll be a while. I have to set up an appointment with her parents and inform them. I'd like to get that over with as soon as possible." he sighed, and climbed into the smaller of the three government cars that had been brought for transportation.

"Okay. Well, Jack's here. Hes ready to talk to you,"

"Thank you, Jessica," Aaron nodded.

"Of course Aaron." she replied before handing the phone to the small boy who was bouncing up and down excitedly.

Seconds later he greeted his father happily. "Hi Daddy!"

"Hi Buddy. How are you doing?" Hotch replied, smiling at his son's enthusiasm.

"I'm good! Aunt Jessica and I made'd cookies!"

"You did? What kind of cookies?"

"Choc'late chip. I saved'ed you some!"

"That's so thoughtful. Thank you Jack,"

"When are you comin' home, Daddy?"

"Soon. I have a few things to finish and then I'll be home. I love you,"

"Love you!" Jack replied, obviously ready to run off and play some more.

"Okay. We'll see you soon, Aaron. Good luck," Jessica said as she took the phone back from her nephew.

"Thank you again," Hotch replied, hanging up. He started the car and backed up.

This was going to be a long day.


	3. Grief

**A/N: Two in one day. Miraculous. Haha. This was HARD. But I think it turned out all right.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

Hotch sat behind his desk, waiting. Watching the clock. When he'd spoken to Elizabeth Prentiss, she had said she and her husband would be there at around 3 o'clock. It was 2:50. He'd spent the past six hours deciding what he was going to say. How was he going to tell these people their only daughter was dead? That he hadn't been watching her closely enough to see that she'd wandered off on her own, to face what she had to have known was certain death. How he had been far too busy profiling Ian Doyle to notice how she was doing.

Looking back on the situation, it was so obvious that something had been wrong with her. She'd been acting strange for weeks, and he'd been to blind to see. He should have been able to prevent all of this. He was the leader of the team. He was supposed to protect the others. Reid had noticed. Morgan had noticed. Hell, even _Seaver_ had noticed. How hadn't he?

"Agent Hotchner?" Anderson said, poking his head in the door. "The Prentiss' are here,"

"Thank you, Anderson. Send them in, please," Hotch replied. He was out of time. The knot that had been in his stomach since late last night, tightened. He stood up, and walked to the door of his office to greet the confused looking couple.

"Thank you for coming," he told them, shaking Mr. Prentiss' hand, then the Ambassador's.

"What's going on, Agent Hotchner?" Elizabeth demanded immediately. "You said it was urgent..."

"Yes, it is, and thank you for coming this quickly. I know both of you are extremely busy, but this is important. Would you please take a seat?" Hotch asked, moving to his own seat. They both knew something was wrong already. He could tell. As soon as both of them had seated themselves, he proceeded. He took a deep breath, and met the eyes of both his agents' parents in turn.

"Are you aware of Emily's work with Interpol? JTF-12?" he asked, realizing he probably needed to start at the beginning.

"We're aware she was working for Interpol, but we were never given details. For her saftey," David Prentiss replied, nodding non-commitally.

"All right. Then I suppose it's imperative I start at the beginning." he sighed, this was going to make things more difficult. "Seven years ago, a group of elite profilers were compiled under the lead of Clyde Easter. Emily was one of them. She went undercover as Lauren Reynolds, a weapons specialist from Belgium. She eventually was able to infiltrate a breakaway IRA faction headed by a man named Ian Doyle. Not long before she had him arrested, he discovered she was a mole. Luckily, she was saved by the men who came to arrest Doyle, and her. Doyle was sent to a North Korean political prison. As you know, not long after that Emily relocated back to the States," Hotch began.

"Yes... we're aware of that," Elizabeth nodded.

"All right. Well, JTF-12 had disbanded at this point. Emily joined the BAU. Things were going well. Until several months ago. Emily began acting strangely. It was only recently that we discovered that Ian Doyle had escaped from prison for one reason. To hunt her down. Emily left the rest of the team after Doyle threatened to harm us. She was taken hostage, and we continued work on our profile. It didn't take us long to discover the motive." he took a deep breath. This was much more difficult than he'd anticipated, or ever imagined. David and Elizabeth were sitting with bated breath, both had gone pale. "She had supposedly killed his son Declan. We, however, found this wasn't true. She'd pretended to kill him to keep him safe from Doyle. Last night we found Emily and Doyle's location. We rushed there and took out the guards. Agent Morgan entered the building with several local SWAT members. Doyle heard us coming, and fled. Emily was on the ground, with a broken table leg protruding from her chest..." Hotch closed his eyes, emotion swelling through him as he reached the conclusion. He could hear the quiet, worried breathing of both of Emily's parents. He knew what they were thinking. They were both hoping for the best. Hoping he was telling them Emily was in the hospital, recovering. He also knew that they both knew exactly where he was going with this. Emily wasn't coming home for another Christmas. No more birthdays. No more dinners with her parents, awkward as they may be. Emily was gone.

"She was rushed to a hospital, and immediately was sent into surgery. Early this morning we were informed by Jennifer Jareau, the liaison for the Department of Defense, and a former member of our team, that Emily had passed away on the operating table. She'd lost too much blood. Th...there was nothing that could be done. I'm so sorry,"

A strangled sob emitted from the Ambassador, and tears were silently sliding down her husband's face.

"I'm so so sorry," he repeated. It was only a whisper. He couldn't bring himself to say more.

"When is the funeral?" David finally brought himself to ask, his hand remained comfortingly on his wife's back.

"Nothing's been decided yet," Hotch replied, so far he was doing an excellent job of keeping the emotion from escaping into his voice.

"Can we see her?" Elizabeth asked, stifling a sob.

"I don't think that would be a good idea." he shook his head. "It's best to keep the memories you have of her."

He braced himself for an argument, but, surprisingly none came.

"He's right, Liz. Emily wouldn't want us to remember her battered and... and..." David shook his head and began sobbing himself.

"If there's anything I can do... anything at all, please, let me know," Hotch offered. He still felt overwhelming guilt. He still felt it was all his fault.

"Thank you," Elizabeth nodded, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief she had pulled from her pocket.

"We'll let you know." David replied, regaining composure.

It took several more minutes for the two of them to calm down enough for Hotch to be able to get the information he needed for the funeral. Next Friday. The kind of coffin they wanted. The headstone. Flowers. Speakers. Everything. Every detail. He would take care of it for them. They exchanged goodbyes, and the grieving parents slowly exited the room.

Hotch had finished all the paperwork pertaining to the case, he was ready to go home. He needed to go home. He needed to see Jack. He needed this day to be over.


	4. Superheroes

**A/N: Yay! A new chapter! :) I really like how this ended. I planned on having it seriously light and nice, but then I realized the potential it had._ (See End A/N For More Info)_**

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

As soon as he slid inside the apartment, Hotch felt a small, roughly forty pound boy run into him at full speed.

"Daddy!" Jack exclaimed, grasping onto his father's leg. Although Hotch had received a text from Jessica telling him to go home instead of coming to pick him up, he was taken off guard. Generally after a case, Jack stayed the night at Jessica's. He'd pick him up in the morning, if he didn't have work. Jack being home when he got there was something new, but he couldn't help it. Hotch cracked a rare smile and lifted his son from the ground. This was exactly what he needed. There was no possibility of him forgetting the events of the past twenty-four hours, but seeing Jack seemed to lift a great weight off his shoulders. It brought some sense of normality back to him.

"I'm sorry I took so long," Aaron noted, as he spotted Jessica reading on the sofa on the other side of the room. He gazed around, the living room was much cleaner than he had left it, apart from the scattered superhero action figures and toy cars scattered in a fairly wide radius. Jack had obviously been playing prior to Hotch's arrival.

"It's fine, Aaron. I understand. You were busy. That's why I came over here. I decided I'd save you the trouble of picking him up from my house," Jessica smiled, placing her book in the small bag she'd brought with her. "If you don't need anything, I should probably get going,"

"Thank you for taking care of him. Thank you for everything, Jessica," Hotch nodded, moving to sit in the faux leather recliner that sat directly next to the sofa. He placed Jack on his knee, and watched as Jessica picked up her bag and exited the apartment, but not without an enthusiastic, "Thanks Aunt Jessica! I had fun!" from Jack.

"So," Hotch smiled, looking down at Jack. "Do I get to hear Mr Jack's adventures?"

"Yeah!" Jack grinned, brimming with excitement. "Aunt Jessica took me to the park, and we played on the swings!" he began. "That was morning. After cereal. Then we made'd cookies," and with that exclamation he jumped from Hotch's lap and bolting to the kitchen, appearing seconds later with a large plastic bag of the chocolate chip cookies that Hotch had heard about earlier that day. "See!" Jack smiled, catapulting back onto Hotch's lap. "I saved'ed you some!" Jack announced, setting the cookies on Hotch's other knee.

"I can see that," Hotch nodded, opening the bag and removing two cookies. One for himself, and one for Jack. He knew that Jack would expect him to try one, and that even though he might not have asked for a cookie, Jack wanted one. He was five years old. Five year olds wanted cookies when they were available, and to be honest, even when they weren't. The cookies weren't big, and Hotch was able to eat his in two bites. He looked at Jack to see how he was progressing with his cookie, his was gone too, but there was one difference. His face, fingers and shirt were covered in chocolate, and a large guilty grin was plastered on the boy's face. Bath time, whether Jack had already taken a bath already or not, was now inevitable.

"How about we make a deal," Hotch proposed. "You will go up to your room and pick a pair of pajamas, _I_ will change into _my _pajamas, then I will meet you in the bathroom, and you can tell me about the rest of your day, deal?"

Jack smiled and nodded. "Deal,"

"Okay Mister Chocolate Monster... I guess I need to change that a little. You go pick pj's, I'll change into mine, and then I'll come get you from your room so you don't cover your new clothes with chocolate too," Hotch amended.

"Kay Daddy!" Jack agreed, once again jumping from his father's lap and running up the stairs to his bedroom, on a quest for pajamas.

Hotch chuckled as he watched Jack go. As always he could count on his son to make any situation better, even if only a little. The feeling of happiness and contentment quickly faded as he considered the other members of his team. They, with the exception of JJ, didn't have family near enough to console them over this great loss. Right now Reid would be sitting in his apartment, writing a letter to his mother, informing him that Emily had been killed. Rossi would be in his large, lonely mansion, writing with a bottle of something strong next to him. Although Morgan would normally go to a bar after a case and attempt to make sense of all that had occurred during the past several days, one that had such personal tragedy would prevent him from doing so. Garcia would be with Kevin, also trying to make sense of how something like this had happened to their family. Seaver, being so new to the BAU, wouldn't know what to do with herself. She hadn't found a way to hide the horrors the job held, yet. She would try to sleep, thinking that would hide the thoughts that were sure to come, but the nightmares would come. JJ and himself, the only ones who knew the truth, were also the only ones who had a _real_ source of comfort. He had Jack, and she had Henry and Will.

Hotch huffed as he ascended the stairs and entered his bedroom. He took his gun from his go-bag and placed it carefully in the safe, before quickly changing into his pajamas. To borrow a phrase from Prentiss... this really sucked.

"Daddy!" Jack called from his room down the hall. "Are you coming?"

"On my way," Hotch replied, immediately pulled from his thoughts as he remembered his son waiting for him down the hall. Before heading to Jack's room, he stopped in the bathroom and started running the water in the bathtub, making sure the water was the correct temperature and that the stopper was in the drain, then he hurried the rest of the way down the hall to his son's room.

He found the boy sitting on the floor in front of his dresser, moving a toy dump truck back and forth over the carpet. He looked up when he noticed a shadow in the doorway.

"You told me not to touch, so I didn't get any," Jack announced.

"Right. Well, do you know which ones you want?" Hotch replied, realizing how distracted he was.

"Spiderman!"

"Spiderman? Okay! Let's get Mister Jack's Spidey PJ's!" Hotch smiled, moving further into the room and opening the pajama drawer of Jack's dresser. He removed the selected ensemble, and a fresh pair of underwear, and closed the two drawers again. "Looks like we're all ready for bathtime!"

"Yeah!" Jack grinned, running from the room, with his father on the heels. Hotch slid into the bathroom immediately after Jack and shut off the water.

"Did Aunt Jessica wash your hair already?"

Jack nodded.

"Well, that saves us some time, huh?" Hotch smiled, removing the chocolate covered clothing Jack was already wearing and tossing them aside. As soon as Jack was in the bath, in the process of being cleaned off, Hotch decided to continue their conversation.

"So, after making cookies what did you do?"

"Ate them!" Jack giggled.

"You ate them?" Hotch asked. "_All_ of them?"

"No silly daddy! We savded you some, remember?" Jack shook his head.

"Oh, yes. You did, huh?" Hotch smiled, "well, what did you do after eating _some_ of the cookies?"

"I watched Spongebob, and played, then you called!" Jack recounted. He then told how he'd gone to the park again, had 'basketti' for lunch, then he'd taken a nap, and watched more Spongebob and movies before having hot dogs for dinner, having his 'real' bath time, and heading here to meet daddy. By the time the tale was finished, Hotch had cleaned the remainder of the chocolate off his face and fingers, removed him from the bath, and had begun helping him put his Spiderman PJ's on.

"What else do we need to do before we watch a movie?" Hotch asked him. "I forgot..."

"We have to brush our teeth, silly daddy!" the five year old reminded him with a giggle.

"Oh! Yes we do!" Hotch agreed with a nod. "Hurry and brush, and I'll be right back!"

"Kay!" Jack nodded, and picked up his toothbrush. Hotch pulled the drain on the bathtub, and picked up Jack's dirty clothes and towel from the floor. The shirt definitely needed to be washed before the stain set in. He hurried to the laundry room, and started the wash. He needed to remember to put the clothes in the dryer before bed, but for now he needed to focus on Jack. Hotch headed to the family room, and sat on the couch, waiting for Jack. Luckily before the horrifying thoughts returned, Jack was bounding down the stairs.

"Alllll done!" Jack grinned, bouncing onto the couch next to his father.

"Good job," Hotch smiled, "what movie should we watch, buddy?"

"Can we watch... SPIDERMAN?"

"Spiderman? To match your pajamas?" Hotch asked, smiling a little.

"Yeah! Yeah! Spiderman's a _superhero_! Just like _you_!" Jack cheered, still grinning.

"Okay, Spiderman it is," Hotch laughed. Little boys and their fascination with superheroes was such an old concept. He himself had loved them at Jack's age. The fact that Jack considered him to be a superhero was a little disconcerting, but he couldn't think like that right now. He needed to be happy. For Jack. He needed to be stable, especially without Haley. He quickly stood up and popped the DVD into the player. Before returning to sit down, he took the bag of cookies and returned them to the kitchen. By the time he returned, the menu was on the screen. He pressed 'Play', and sat down next to Jack, who immediately snuggled into his side. Hotch put his arm around him, and sat watching the familiar story progress.

The next thing he knew, he was blinking as he heard pounding on the door. His mouth was dry, and Jack was asleep with his head on Hotch's leg. The movie was just ending, the credits were rolling, showing the list of the characters and the cast members who played them. The pounding on the door began again, and he stood up and yawned. "Coming," he called. "I'm coming!"

With another yawn he made his way to the door, looked through the peep-hole, and yanked it open.

"Hotch?" Morgan asked, sounding a little worried. "Sorry to disturb you, man, but... could I talk to you?"

"No, it's fine, Derek. Come on in," he nodded, moving aside to let Morgan in. "Let me put Jack in bed. Have a seat, and I'll be right back," Hotch said, moving across the room and lifting Jack into his arms. He started up the stairs, but looked back about half way up. He watched Morgan sit on the sofa and look around. He seemed troubled, not that Hotch didn't expect that. He'd find the reason behind this unexpected visit soon enough, so he continued up the remainder of the stairs, being careful not to wake Jack. He was grateful to find that the door to his son's room had been left slightly ajar when the two of them had left earlier. He was able to slide his foot into the crack, and push it open enough that he was able to maneuver inside. Hotch walked and pulled the blankets down with arm, while the other held a firm grip on Jack. When he was satisfied that the blankets were pulled down enough, he carefully laid Jack on the mattress and pulled said blankets back up, on top of the boy.

"Good night, Jack," Hotch whispered, kissing his son on the forehead. "I love you," he smiled, and watched as Jack adjusted to become more comfortable on his bed. He was so grateful for his little beam of light in the dark world he seemed to be surrounded by.

After several moments of sitting in Jack's room, simply watching him, Hotch remembered that Morgan was waiting for him downstairs.

There was definitely going to be something big bothering him if he'd come to Hotch to talk. He knew one thing for sure: Morgan blamed himself. Hotch took a deep breath and walked from Jack's room and back down the stairs to the living room. He exhaled and moved to sit next to Morgan.

"What can I do for you, Derek?" he asked.

"Well," Morgan began after a moment of contemplation and silence. "We landed about an hour ago. JJ obviously rushed home to Will and Henry, and everyone else headed home. I jumped in my car, and just started driving around. I didn't want to go home... I couldn't bring myself to, knowing that Em won't ever be going home again..." he shook his head. "I didn't know what to do, man. I didn't know where to go. I knew drinking would only take the pain away for so long. I ended up in this area, and I realized that you lived here. I know I stepped out of line earlier, Hotch," he lamented. "I just don't know what to do with myself, I feel so guilty. If I'd gotten to that room a few minutes sooner... Emily might still be here, Hotch! I feel like I caused Doyle to panic as he heard us coming, and he killed her and left,"

"Derek listen to me, and listen carefully. There was _nothing_ you could do. It was honestly a miracle that Doyle hadn't killed her long before we found them. I realize how difficult this is. Believe me, I felt the same way when Foyet..." Hotch trailed off and sighed. "Do you remember what you told me, Derek?"

Morgan looked down, tears had formed in his eyes, and he remained silent.

Hotch continued. "You told me I had to keep living my life, that I couldn't stop. That you wouldn't let me. That Haley wouldn't have wanted me to. You're my friend, Derek. I have to make the same promise you made me. I will _not_ allow you to stop living your life, because honestly, Emily would be furious with you if you gave up,"

Derek looked up at him, angrily. "But _she_ gave up, Hotch! _She_ stopped fighting," he replied, tears streaming down his anguished face. "She stopped..."

"She lost too much blood, Derek. Nothing could be done,"

"If she'd let us in on her _little_ secret, she'd be fine,"

"She was protecting us, Morgan, she didn't want us to hurt,"

"Well, we're hurting now, aren't we?"

"Morgan. Nothing, and I mean _nothing_ compares to losing someone we love. You lost your father. You know that. The pain will fade, though. It won't go away, but it will hurt less and less, until you barely notice it anymore," Hotch replied, quieting his voice.

"I don't want to forget, Hotch. Emily was one of my very best friends," Morgan whispered.

"You won't forget, Derek. Have you forgotten your father?"

"Well... I... no. No, I haven't. Not a day goes by I don't think of him," he replied.

"I feel the same way about my, father. Granted, he died much differently than yours did, but I still miss him." Hotch sighed.

"It hurts so badly, Hotch. _So_ badly,"

"I know it does... but believe me... everything will be okay,"

"Can you promise that?' Morgan asked, meeting Hotch's eyes.

Hotch took a deep breath. He knew that from what Morgan knew, he really couldn't. But from the secret he held, he could. "I... I don't know, Derek. But things will get better. That I can promise,"

Morgan nodded. "I guess I should head home... it's late,"

"Yeah, it's been a long week. Get some rest. Take a couple days off,"

"Is that an order?"

"Yes. Relax,"

Morgan nodded, and stood up, walking for the door.

"And Derek?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah?" he asked, looking back at his Unit Chief.

"If you _ever_ need to talk, let me know,"

"I will,'' Morgan nodded, exiting the apartment.

Hotch watched the door for a moment after he left, then turned off the DVD player and TV. He made sure to turn off all the lights, and walked up to his bedroom. He laid down on top of the blankets and stared at the ceiling, but sleep eluded him. He knew that he, too, would have nightmares. He would dream that he received a phone call in the middle of the night. Emily had passed during the night. Or even worse than that... that she'd never made it in the first place.

_Oh Prentiss_, he thought, closing his eyes. _Please keep fighting. _

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><p><strong>AN 2:** **Okay, so**** I was originally going to have Spencer show up and have this conversation with Hotch, but then Proof told me that Reid had gone to JJ (which made more sense anyway), and I realized the potential this had. That Derek felt the same way Hotch had when he hadn't been able to get to Haley soon enough, so he went to Hotch without consciously realizing why.**** Yeah... I hope you liked it :)**_  
><em>


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